i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
