Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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