the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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