3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize