You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize