I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
