My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
