Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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