it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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