she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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