Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
