Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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