It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
