i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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