I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
