I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
