It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
