I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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