We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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