Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
