I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
