You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Randomize
