return my video game
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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