I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
