I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
