just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
