I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
