You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
my vag is so smooth its legendary
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
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