My liver just broke up with me...
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Let's paint friendship bongs
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
