my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
How many fucks given?
0.12846
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
