good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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