Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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