I wanna bring you to show and tell
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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