i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
