you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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