Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
