Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
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