...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Quick, to the slutcave!
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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