Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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