me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
