a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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