does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
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