Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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