i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
So many bounce houses so little time
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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