I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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