My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Randomize
