Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
