You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
