my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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