I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
