Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize