Plan B is the new Plan A
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
