nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
