the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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