If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
