ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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