I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
