is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
