theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
