i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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