oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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