Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Who did Billy Mays play for?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
