i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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