Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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