i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
