"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
