We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
