if only i could text you this smell
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
